Tuesday, 12 May 2009

What do I look like???

I woke up without a hangover - yey me! but because of this I could see myself more clearly in the bathroom mirror... I look like I put on my make-up with oven gloves on. This is what happens when you get tipsy and don't take off your face before you go to sleep... uf. It's 8:15 and I'm leaving with Hannah, who has to be at work today. We are listening to the radio - I've not been awake at this time in the morning, listening to the radio and drinking coffee since I was around 14 :)
Cannot believe I have to get on this bus with clean morning people with this face, these shoes and this big black coat ... people are looking at me funny, 'specially men, and then I reallise it's because I probably look like I'm on rent, just got off a job. I hate myself : avoid mirrors and shiney surfaces at ALL costs! don't look anyone in the eye ..... disappear. UF.
You ever get that guilty post night out guilt, even though you know you didn't do anything stupid?? well that's how I felt. Then images of all stupid drunken days of yester-year kept invading my brain (I hate the old minds eye) hates it!
HOME!!!! yey!! :)
But just as I start to relax, thinking my day must get better now (bearing in mind by this point it is just 11:00am) ... no, is the answer I didn't ask for to that question I didn't ask.
Lisa is excited about jetting off to see Luna in Italy ... WTF dunno why it upsets me - guess it just opens old wounds that didn't get a chance to heal yet. Made it clear I'm a bit pissed off ... maybe shouldn't have, but I guess I don't care.
anywhoooo .... on a happier note it's Stephanies birthday and today Simon told her about his gift of Ballet lessons ... and I'm going too!!!! yey!!! can't wait! ... maybe this is the best time to get healthy? quit the fags and the drink (not coffee ... that's too difficult) maybe it will detox all my crappy feelings out - wish it would detox all the crappy people out too, or at least their crappy moods.
I don't know what I do for the rest of the day ... can just remember not being able to sleep... Lisa is leaving ... it's 5:00am - do you ever get that thing where you are stuck to the spot? that's how I was ...

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