Jar

Today I walked from Archway to near Camden via the pet shop, and loved every minute of it. I saw in there a tiny little ink-black fluff ball of a kitten; she climbed all the way to the top of the cage to get out - I think she wanted me to take her home, so I asked how much she was, but she already had someone coming to pick her up. Ouch.

Later Maria came round and we went to Soho: Dinner at Taro (yum), Boredom at The Candy Bar (oh my, we laughed), and Coffee in the street watching drunk people. The walk back to the bus stop was enlightening; all the drunk, shouting, puking, screaming, arguing, rude, pissed, stupid people we saw ... you don't see them when you are one of them; I quite like this new leaf I'm turning.

Then I got home and took a photo of this jar.

The Post that made me Smile

I walked a lot today ... and everyone around was smiling. I decided that in order to buy smiles my currency must be vitamin D - 20 minutes they say, hence the walking. A litle pile of leaves made me happy, reminded me of when me and Mum used to stomp into piles of them on the way to school so they would crunch, the same pleasure as popping bubble wrap. I didn't jump through these though, just took a photo. When I got home I found the bit of post that changed my life more than I had intended to change it yesterday. This was much stronger - I won't tell you what it said, but it was from my Mum (and Glen & Joshua) and it made me cry happy. It's funny how the smallest things can have the biggest impact. I feel happier now.

And I Realised

... This is ridiculous. I have to sort this out... before I disappear completely. Pen - pad - write - plan; make it all go away.
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Kollie came to visit today and we had a you tube fest, giggling at the magic putty or whatever i was - fanastic :)
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I sorted the mail, but someone, or the wind, destroyed my paper tower.
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Green tea is nice.
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Why is the window frame twisting and creaking this way ... is the wind trying to get in again? cover me in petals; hide me from the storm.
...won't pay attention to the lights in the mirror as they are just a reflection.
It is just me now.

Can you please turn out the light?

It's time for bed.

Tale of the Wind

All the bunnies you left have gone...

Now I am lost.
***

The tree told her that there's a girl who waits for her up on a hill:

"it's the tallest hill, and she can't come down without you, but she doesn't know who you are; you've not met her yet."

What did the wind mean? how will the girl know who waits for her if she's not able to recognise her? and can hills be 'tall'?

She wonders... I wonder, and she waits.

The wind is always right.

My room is too calm

I can't move in it sometimes. I painted it green not only because I wanted my room to look like the sea, but because it is said to be 'calming'.
This just takes the biscuit! sometimes I find myself so content (I'm not even sure 'content' can describe it fully) that I just lay on my bed listening to music hypnotized by my twinkle lights falling away into another universe. When I come back to reality the hours have gone and i'ts dark outside. This is not normal. I think it is the fairies. I'm trying to work out if they are nice ones or bad... I'm not sure that making you feel stoned without smoking is really the work of evil though. I just must snap myself out of it, so I can finish my book and make some more pretties for all the confused naked butterfly girls out there. Fashion something from leaves! I'm coming... sewing machine in tow, thread at the ready, pen in hand!

What was all that about?

Went to Lunas and we watched the X-Factor, destroyed a cork, watched an awful documentary abou self harm which was very poorly done and made no sense a all, ate toast and set the fire alarm off again ... little did we know that a crazy would knock on the door a 7:30 the next morning to complain about it and Luna will say, dazed "it was the toast"

Awesome.
:)

The Mother of all Hangovers

I didn't do anything. Couldn't. Maria brought me water. I slept. Wine is sooooooooo bad. I think I landed on another planet last night and am walking it this morning.

What a Day

Up early... knew I could do it if I tried. Walked down to Maria and Tiinas realising how nice it is to both get up early and to live close to your friends (and to other civilisation in general) We jumped on the bus and landed at the Slow Food Market (and even though I've been there I still couldn't tell you what exactly that means) on the South Bank an hour or so later... after a fun trip of looking out of the window at stuff with Matilda. Broody. A lot of stairs later we found the stalls which were filled with nuts, bread, wine and cheeeeeeeese. We bought some nibbles and mini bottles of wine and sat ourselves down a little wooden bench to eat and watch Matilda dancing with no shoes on, in a pretty white frock, eating a red apple looking like she belonged to the market.
That wasp wasn't invited.
And then we find the hidden DVD shop and I bought 'Tideland' which looks magical. More stairs. Then Tiina changes Fridas nappy in 3 seconds I think she deserves a certificate or medal ... hehe. On the bus Jo from Whitby Goth Weekend texts offering me a stall so I'm soooo excited for this Hallowe'en now, I told Stephanie straight away so we can mee up again to make pretties.
Back at home: Rich comes to visit me ... It's so funny how nearly everyone I know lives around this area walking distance. We go back in time again and gossip a lot about everything. I chase a spider. Then David calls - I go to meet him later, I drink too much wine, and as usual when this happens the rest of the nigh was a bit of a blur (with some interesing conversations had though that I did guess about, but didn't say until now, and turns out I was right: I wonder in how many ways it was all right?)
I'm sure we can still be friends. In fact if we can't stay friends I will be very sad; it's not nice to loose someone so lovely from your life completely ... especially when the half you lost you didn't actually loose, you just gave it back willingly.

Painting

Me and Luna have been decorating for days we made things look pretty and lost track of time. All these painting days have rolled into one daydream.

Sometimes Maria comes by to ay hi and bring us some yum food and everything is lovely here.

I finally got my little fairy cave...

Moving Day

I don't know what I would have done without Maria and Luna ... owe them a bunch. It's times like these when you find out who really cares. <3

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Struggle

R.I.P Mr bug ... you tried to jump, but the shower was too strong. I tried to save you, but your leg was too short. Now may you rest forever - beyond the plug hole.
:(

Bug

There was a big green bug on the bathroom ceiling, it was staring at me. I wanted to take a photo of it, but my battery ran out; it comes on, but the shutter is disabled. Don't get it. Anyway ... I went to see another flat today and hated it. It was like a house where people go to die. In fact, the room I was shown had someone's stuff still in it... even their toothbrush. I can only assume something awful happened. But what was more awful was the ghastly wardrobe which they said they wouldn't get rid of, for love nor money as my Nan would say. So I did my 'wow, it's lovely ... I'll call you' like going on a disappointing date in a cheesy drama on TV. I won't call them. I will keep looking though, as much as it depresses me when they post beautiful fake photos of death pit rooms.
I have also found a few things I would like to do ... volunteering at Oxfam bookshop once a week or so - to escape.... and to obviously help the planet. I also found a part time job vacancy in a uni library which I'd really love to do... cross those fingers and toes again (for all of the above, love and money)
I'm so upset my camera is dead; I wanted to decorate this...
Anywho, I'm going to run away to sit in a dark corner to finish reading 'Eclipse' then I shall write some pages (In the 'my room' of my head)
Then I will make a million wishes that everything will squeeze into some kind of order in my life. I'm just asking for the basics: Flat, Good part time job, writing time, and an endless supply of coffee...

Crazy

I went to see a flat this morning, and it was lovely(ish) but there was a £5 a night fee if you wanted any guests ... eh?! I find it quite difficult to say anything bad to these people and always end up saying 'yeah... it's great.... I'll call you tomorrow...' and I would have if it hadn't have been for that dodgy £5 mumble. Anyway - enough said about that. I do still need a flat though as I'm going evermore insane not being able to escape to 'my room' which is filled with nothing apart from the stuff I want to be in there. If I ever get sick or go completely crazy I need a place to sleep for a week without being disturbed to get over it. I need a place to go where I don't have to think and can look like hell if I want to. I'm so stressed out that I have a cold sore now. Great. And I have nowhere I can just pass out for a week ... you see what I mean. UF. I have so many things that are dancing around my head at the moment that all I want to do is write some more chapters, but I don't feel I can if I'm not in 'my room' you know? I have a theory that everything that is going on in my life at the moment was pre-destined to happen to me so I can write about it ... it is uncanny how many things that have happened recently sound like a direct copy and paste out of my novel plan. Crazy. Anyway ... I'm sitting here now alone for the first time in a while, everyone in this house has gone out or to work, and this room doesn't have a TV and I love it. I decided that when I moved I wasn't going to have a TV - bot because I'm one of those people who try to sound amazing and say 'I hate TV, never watch it' but because I love TV ... I love it far too much, will watch anything, which is bad. Come to think of it maybe that's what the 'I hate TV' people do. Oh my I'm going to turn into one of those people! hope not .. I'll always make room for ANTM ;) I think I should really stop writing now as I have just read this back and I sound as though I have ADHD --- I'm not hyper, or maybe I am, or maybe I've just gone crazy. All I know for sure right now is this: the light in this room earlier was lovely.

Grey

Tonight

The moon was so beautiful, I wish I had a better zoom ... or better still a house in the middle of nowhere, with a huge garden, inside of which a little shed, inside of which a huge telescope where I could watch stars and forget about everything else that is going on.


In my pretty house in the middle of nowhere will be enough space for frothy coffee breakfasts, carrot cake lunches and pancake egg dinners ;)
...There will be a cellar with rose wine, a garden of bunnies and chickens and a bedroom full of sea green and fairies.