* K1 P1 K3 P3 rep frm * to end

... That's not the pattern, but... I'm getting faster. Working on some woolen pretties to sell in my shop. Shawls, leg-warmers with pom poms and hopefully some cardigans (huge baggy ones, inspired by a vintage one I found) My new shop with be more broken down victorian doll than before and my new website will look like a real secret garden. I'm lost in my own little world today ...

Soon I shall take some pics of my new dresses in front of my new butterfly backdrop ... excited with a head full of creative explosions...

boom*

Lovelyness

Today Julia and Shelley got married. They both looked beautiful *** and the party room looked awesome; All in all a wonderful day of sparkles and lovely suff :)

*It does exist*

Butterflies and cakes

Butterfly duty is the best duty to be on. I do butterfly maths and pay with buerfly wind dust ... all special for Julia and shelleys wedding tomorrow.
Maria joins me on my quest for blue ones, pink ones and the illusive green variety of Covent Garden.
We forgot our Butterfly net, so we go to think up a plan in a near by muffin&coffee shop. the caffeine, chocolate and sight of brightly coloured icing helps tremendously... we have a plan.
We run into Lush and buy some soap that looks like melon (past the face mask dishes that look like dips for crisps) and back to the buerfly hide out. We coat the pretty white shelves with slidey soap and wait; clean.
The butterflies attempt their landing but slip and slide with all their legs and fall ino the wicker basket we made earlier from liquorice strips - ah-ha! we won! we pay and make a run for it... back to the forest!

Jar

Today I walked from Archway to near Camden via the pet shop, and loved every minute of it. I saw in there a tiny little ink-black fluff ball of a kitten; she climbed all the way to the top of the cage to get out - I think she wanted me to take her home, so I asked how much she was, but she already had someone coming to pick her up. Ouch.

Later Maria came round and we went to Soho: Dinner at Taro (yum), Boredom at The Candy Bar (oh my, we laughed), and Coffee in the street watching drunk people. The walk back to the bus stop was enlightening; all the drunk, shouting, puking, screaming, arguing, rude, pissed, stupid people we saw ... you don't see them when you are one of them; I quite like this new leaf I'm turning.

Then I got home and took a photo of this jar.

The Post that made me Smile

I walked a lot today ... and everyone around was smiling. I decided that in order to buy smiles my currency must be vitamin D - 20 minutes they say, hence the walking. A litle pile of leaves made me happy, reminded me of when me and Mum used to stomp into piles of them on the way to school so they would crunch, the same pleasure as popping bubble wrap. I didn't jump through these though, just took a photo. When I got home I found the bit of post that changed my life more than I had intended to change it yesterday. This was much stronger - I won't tell you what it said, but it was from my Mum (and Glen & Joshua) and it made me cry happy. It's funny how the smallest things can have the biggest impact. I feel happier now.

And I Realised

... This is ridiculous. I have to sort this out... before I disappear completely. Pen - pad - write - plan; make it all go away.
***
Kollie came to visit today and we had a you tube fest, giggling at the magic putty or whatever i was - fanastic :)
***
I sorted the mail, but someone, or the wind, destroyed my paper tower.
***
Green tea is nice.
***
Why is the window frame twisting and creaking this way ... is the wind trying to get in again? cover me in petals; hide me from the storm.
...won't pay attention to the lights in the mirror as they are just a reflection.
It is just me now.

Can you please turn out the light?

It's time for bed.

Tale of the Wind

All the bunnies you left have gone...

Now I am lost.
***

The tree told her that there's a girl who waits for her up on a hill:

"it's the tallest hill, and she can't come down without you, but she doesn't know who you are; you've not met her yet."

What did the wind mean? how will the girl know who waits for her if she's not able to recognise her? and can hills be 'tall'?

She wonders... I wonder, and she waits.

The wind is always right.

My room is too calm

I can't move in it sometimes. I painted it green not only because I wanted my room to look like the sea, but because it is said to be 'calming'.
This just takes the biscuit! sometimes I find myself so content (I'm not even sure 'content' can describe it fully) that I just lay on my bed listening to music hypnotized by my twinkle lights falling away into another universe. When I come back to reality the hours have gone and i'ts dark outside. This is not normal. I think it is the fairies. I'm trying to work out if they are nice ones or bad... I'm not sure that making you feel stoned without smoking is really the work of evil though. I just must snap myself out of it, so I can finish my book and make some more pretties for all the confused naked butterfly girls out there. Fashion something from leaves! I'm coming... sewing machine in tow, thread at the ready, pen in hand!

What was all that about?

Went to Lunas and we watched the X-Factor, destroyed a cork, watched an awful documentary abou self harm which was very poorly done and made no sense a all, ate toast and set the fire alarm off again ... little did we know that a crazy would knock on the door a 7:30 the next morning to complain about it and Luna will say, dazed "it was the toast"

Awesome.
:)

The Mother of all Hangovers

I didn't do anything. Couldn't. Maria brought me water. I slept. Wine is sooooooooo bad. I think I landed on another planet last night and am walking it this morning.

What a Day

Up early... knew I could do it if I tried. Walked down to Maria and Tiinas realising how nice it is to both get up early and to live close to your friends (and to other civilisation in general) We jumped on the bus and landed at the Slow Food Market (and even though I've been there I still couldn't tell you what exactly that means) on the South Bank an hour or so later... after a fun trip of looking out of the window at stuff with Matilda. Broody. A lot of stairs later we found the stalls which were filled with nuts, bread, wine and cheeeeeeeese. We bought some nibbles and mini bottles of wine and sat ourselves down a little wooden bench to eat and watch Matilda dancing with no shoes on, in a pretty white frock, eating a red apple looking like she belonged to the market.
That wasp wasn't invited.
And then we find the hidden DVD shop and I bought 'Tideland' which looks magical. More stairs. Then Tiina changes Fridas nappy in 3 seconds I think she deserves a certificate or medal ... hehe. On the bus Jo from Whitby Goth Weekend texts offering me a stall so I'm soooo excited for this Hallowe'en now, I told Stephanie straight away so we can mee up again to make pretties.
Back at home: Rich comes to visit me ... It's so funny how nearly everyone I know lives around this area walking distance. We go back in time again and gossip a lot about everything. I chase a spider. Then David calls - I go to meet him later, I drink too much wine, and as usual when this happens the rest of the nigh was a bit of a blur (with some interesing conversations had though that I did guess about, but didn't say until now, and turns out I was right: I wonder in how many ways it was all right?)
I'm sure we can still be friends. In fact if we can't stay friends I will be very sad; it's not nice to loose someone so lovely from your life completely ... especially when the half you lost you didn't actually loose, you just gave it back willingly.

Painting

Me and Luna have been decorating for days we made things look pretty and lost track of time. All these painting days have rolled into one daydream.

Sometimes Maria comes by to ay hi and bring us some yum food and everything is lovely here.

I finally got my little fairy cave...

Moving Day

I don't know what I would have done without Maria and Luna ... owe them a bunch. It's times like these when you find out who really cares. <3

***

Struggle

R.I.P Mr bug ... you tried to jump, but the shower was too strong. I tried to save you, but your leg was too short. Now may you rest forever - beyond the plug hole.
:(

Bug

There was a big green bug on the bathroom ceiling, it was staring at me. I wanted to take a photo of it, but my battery ran out; it comes on, but the shutter is disabled. Don't get it. Anyway ... I went to see another flat today and hated it. It was like a house where people go to die. In fact, the room I was shown had someone's stuff still in it... even their toothbrush. I can only assume something awful happened. But what was more awful was the ghastly wardrobe which they said they wouldn't get rid of, for love nor money as my Nan would say. So I did my 'wow, it's lovely ... I'll call you' like going on a disappointing date in a cheesy drama on TV. I won't call them. I will keep looking though, as much as it depresses me when they post beautiful fake photos of death pit rooms.
I have also found a few things I would like to do ... volunteering at Oxfam bookshop once a week or so - to escape.... and to obviously help the planet. I also found a part time job vacancy in a uni library which I'd really love to do... cross those fingers and toes again (for all of the above, love and money)
I'm so upset my camera is dead; I wanted to decorate this...
Anywho, I'm going to run away to sit in a dark corner to finish reading 'Eclipse' then I shall write some pages (In the 'my room' of my head)
Then I will make a million wishes that everything will squeeze into some kind of order in my life. I'm just asking for the basics: Flat, Good part time job, writing time, and an endless supply of coffee...

Crazy

I went to see a flat this morning, and it was lovely(ish) but there was a £5 a night fee if you wanted any guests ... eh?! I find it quite difficult to say anything bad to these people and always end up saying 'yeah... it's great.... I'll call you tomorrow...' and I would have if it hadn't have been for that dodgy £5 mumble. Anyway - enough said about that. I do still need a flat though as I'm going evermore insane not being able to escape to 'my room' which is filled with nothing apart from the stuff I want to be in there. If I ever get sick or go completely crazy I need a place to sleep for a week without being disturbed to get over it. I need a place to go where I don't have to think and can look like hell if I want to. I'm so stressed out that I have a cold sore now. Great. And I have nowhere I can just pass out for a week ... you see what I mean. UF. I have so many things that are dancing around my head at the moment that all I want to do is write some more chapters, but I don't feel I can if I'm not in 'my room' you know? I have a theory that everything that is going on in my life at the moment was pre-destined to happen to me so I can write about it ... it is uncanny how many things that have happened recently sound like a direct copy and paste out of my novel plan. Crazy. Anyway ... I'm sitting here now alone for the first time in a while, everyone in this house has gone out or to work, and this room doesn't have a TV and I love it. I decided that when I moved I wasn't going to have a TV - bot because I'm one of those people who try to sound amazing and say 'I hate TV, never watch it' but because I love TV ... I love it far too much, will watch anything, which is bad. Come to think of it maybe that's what the 'I hate TV' people do. Oh my I'm going to turn into one of those people! hope not .. I'll always make room for ANTM ;) I think I should really stop writing now as I have just read this back and I sound as though I have ADHD --- I'm not hyper, or maybe I am, or maybe I've just gone crazy. All I know for sure right now is this: the light in this room earlier was lovely.

Grey

Tonight

The moon was so beautiful, I wish I had a better zoom ... or better still a house in the middle of nowhere, with a huge garden, inside of which a little shed, inside of which a huge telescope where I could watch stars and forget about everything else that is going on.


In my pretty house in the middle of nowhere will be enough space for frothy coffee breakfasts, carrot cake lunches and pancake egg dinners ;)
...There will be a cellar with rose wine, a garden of bunnies and chickens and a bedroom full of sea green and fairies.

When everything is so blurry it no longer has meaning

Where are all the owls? all the feathers are lost. She can't believe how she cried over them so much when they find it so easy to disappear now - far more easy than she could ever let them go. Why does she feel so lost when she's right there?
The truth is that she doesn't know where she is at all - just keeps finding herself until she runs away again so fast she is blind... other people will find her first then she will be so confused when she wakes up in their world that she wont know who she is again.
She needs to write her own map...
...but she doesn't have any pens.

*** ...Pictures in the dark...

Inspirations a plenty

I've finished moving all my stuff into the living room, and various other corners of the house, apart from my bed as Lisa promised she would do it with me when she gets up. I'm not too sure when she will get up because lastnight was a wine night... which was actually quite nice, I was happy anyway (and I only had one glass - yey me) it was nice because the bats were birds all night. For some reason I was so inspired his morning that I started making the top half of the dress I will be wearing for the Maleficent Video Launch, and managed to finish it in an hour, which I impressed myself with. I also made the rag flower to go on a choker (i will be making lots more of these to sell at the show, and I also think that because this dress design has been so successful so far I will be making more of those to sell there too (and after that I shall make some more to sell on my website ... I keep meaning to update my stock on there, but I have been so busy with house stuff that it might not be refreshed until the end of September/August))
Going to go and finish it now before I help to take down my bed and then go to visit David :0)
***
My Mattress is god:

Where did all those days go?

UF - this time warp is never ending.
Ok... so today my little bird friends kicked me out of my treehouse ... I looked again when the lights were on and it turns out that they are actually bats : big bats. And as you all know these bats aren't like normal ones, they are not at all fluffy - these are the kind that turn into birds when you least expect it - they are nice so your feahers don't get ruffled and then as soon as you trust them or show them even a litle bit of a beaked smile they turn in a squark and squeek out there vile little bat song ... that we can't hear of course because we are birds all the time.
In other words : all my stuff is in the living room, I don't know where I'm moving to and Lisa and Luna are taking over the bedroom as of tomorrow. It doesn't sound as magical when I write it like that ... that's why we should always live in fairy stories.
On a brighter note : David comes back from America tomorrow --- yeynesssss .... missed him a bunch *** Jacket potatoes a the ready soldier ... I'll bring the cheese grater.
I'm going to go into my make shift studio now (the kitchen) and make some necklaces to sell at the Maleficent show ... there will be less dresses and more small pretties because of all the kafuffle, but that means that the dresses that I do actually manage to get made will be more special ;)
'uf my stuffs in bags' .... 'get a grip' says brain.
Then it starts to thunder - this IS a fairy tale.

Sky Pictures

... Today I went to visit Maria, we sat on her terrace, drank wine, listened to tunes, played with the birds, created innner monologues for the people walking past, and watched the sky pictures change ... I also caught a cold.

Salt lamps and firefly shapes

Ignorance would indeed be bliss if I could flip that switch in my head... so instead I've taken a day off life. I've been swimming around in moss and smiling only when I got an email which I told him should have been a telegram.

I feel like when your little and you spin around really fast and it feels great until you stop and realise you've had too much cheesecake.

Tea, buns and vampires with Stephanie

Today I am 5.
*
I thought I'd sit and play with the butterflies before Stephanie arrives ... I'll pretend I'm anywhere apart from here... and then when she knocks at the door I will get under the bed ... shhhhhh : hide and seek...

Then She came... with buns! - yum!
We have to figure out her website where she will be selling pretty handmade candles ... she makes other lovely stuff too... called 'The Moonchild Garden' and as soon as we have finished the website I'll post the link - you must check it out as it will be lush ; as I said we are being fuelled by tea and cake.
Gossips a plenty followed by the first eppisode of True Blood (I'm trying to turn everyone I know) ...indeed

The last thing I can buy for a long time ...

... is this chair, and I love it ... £20 : bargain. I have made a green throw from a piece of velvet remnant and bought some olive and gold cushion covers from The RSPCA charity shop for £1 each to go with it. There will be lots of books read (and hopefully written) in my new chair ... and most of my time will be spent in it. I'm very much looking forward to moving and happy that at least my last few magic beans spent before then was on something as lovely as this *

In other news: It was so lovely to see Stephanie yesterday, we watched Twilight, again, and drank yum juice. Have been watching True Blood with David and we are slightly obsessed ... I must read the books when I've finished with Mrs Meyers (I'm having a vampire overload - which has been a long time coming as I didn't really know what to do in all these years with no Buffy ; Buffy cold turkey : so now I'm back on the good stuff : addicted) he is going to America for a week or so and we promised to watch them together so it will be hard to be good, but I will. I also met Simona this morning to buy fabric for some frilly knickers and other lovelies I'm going to sell at her shows for her Maleficent merch - will try to get some made for this Friday in time for the Swindon show which I'm coming along to. So now I'm waiting for someone somewhere to magically appear by my side with some orange juice because I'm parched ... or I could just go to the corner shop.... uf, the trauma. Luna is coming over now so I must go tidy my room .... maybe she will have orange juice?

In The...

... Dolls House, with ever changing tiny settings.

***

I got a book about the sea... which makes me feel like a mermaid when I look at it, I also went to the Royal Opera House to buy a Sleeping Beauty poster, Romeo & Juliet, and Hamlet postcards - covered in pretty ballerinas * This was all yesterday... today I'm going to see Stephanie for a picnic in the garden...

Soon, It is all Soon

Even though they are here now ... She is being nice (maybe through guilt, but anywho) and the other might as well not even be here as I have chosen not to see her. Invisible. AND I have painted my fingernails green which makes me smile. So ... I took some photos surrounded with my little heart gifts from the fairy girls, I may make posters of this one, and the other may be the cover of my next It Speaks CD of poetry and pretty noises (that I will make soon I promise ... it will be a solo effort though) I'm also getting busy; I'm lost in red velvet fabric creating special dresses to sell at the Maleficent 'Where the Wild Roses Grow' video launch at Barfly on 2nd September, which is fun - I'll post pics of those dresses soon and a flyer for the event as you all must attend... you get a discount on tickets for arriving with a red rose which I think is cute.

In other news I must go and visit all my other fairy friends --- Jessica and Stephanie I am coming with cherry cake for you both! (I'll go try to find some............*searches cupboards* ; Narnia....)

I feel another reading night coming tonight ... I can't wait to get my reading chair - it's green and fucked up and I love it ... it's an ebay find though so cross your fingers and hope I win, if I do I shall let you sit in it ...

Wish he would come to save me. But there are no white horses in Hackney ... or Holloway. I'll have to be saved on Saturday instead. *...waits...sings....*

My Temporary Fairy Cave

I'm not going to live here for long now ... but I decided that seeing as it will be just mine untill the end of August that I should make it the prettiest it can be, and then I will be happy inside it reading, writing, sleeping and thinking - and will therefore feel less inclined to be driven completely insane by the looming events of my not too distant future (Thursday to be precise)

I also decided that in order to wipe clean all wrongdoings and past life I should dye my hair back to how it was three years ago: Now I feel much happier in my own little world with my own ... hair. This slate is well and truly ready for a new piece of chalk - a green one.

Awesome ... plus it's grown a lot which is nice : my aim is Rapunzel. I must finish the rest of New Moon now, my Mum, Josh and Glen came to visit for a week or so - so I have had no time to read (apart for that little space before you go to sleep where your eyes are all a blur, which is frustrating) We all had a lovely time by the by.
I also bought myself some black notepaper and a white pen which is where I shall finish my book about the magpies ... I will get lost there.
... One last thing before I vanish : I got a lovely surprise gift in the post from two beautiful butterfly girls who are trapped in a dorm ... and they indeed made me feel a whole lot happier ... just when I needed it - they must be magic fairy girls ***

Pass me that Paddle

I have a boat ... I made it from giant leaves in the forest I ran away to. I escaped it, it took me a while, but I found my way out - there was a clearing they showed me (those evil fairies) I didn't listen and hacked my own way through the undergrowth... now I'm out, here, with my little boat and I'm fashioning a paddle to make my way to you.....................

So...

... not much ... only that the fairies inside my head are on holiday, which means I am momentarily insane.
I can't spell or even fly around without fear of falling ... my only place to hide is my new sea green room which isn't really mine anyway in the end (the end being the 13th of August)
But today me and Jessica went to look at pretty things in portobello ... wish I could have bought it all - I will live there one day, in a pile of lace.
Listening to Ruby Throat now, drinking wine ... I feel as though I am not really here and someone is inside of me moving me around like a big puppet - but I don't know who they are...
... Pass me some scissors? ornate gold and iory ones if possible ...

***

Too many lights and faded trees,
too many words without thought - wihout belief, without meaning,
but we all make up fairysories to make us feel [better]
too many, too much - and not enough at all.

DIY day

My bedside table asked me to make her look pretty.

Paint is fun

A sparkley morning followed by a painting day.

I now have a green bed, which makes me happy.

I put my picture on the wall.... it's of Ulysses and the Sirens, It's pretty and I was in love with it when I was little - it lives in Ferens Art Gallery in Hull; it's smaller than I remember, but still as beautiful ... I think I may have become obsessed by the sea - I want to live there with weeds in my hair untill I grow a fish tail and talk in bubbles...

Have to sleep : it's 4:13

A Trip to Hull in Pictures : Day three

A Trip to Hull in Pictures : Day two

A Trip to Hull in Pictures: Day one

I want everything green...

My bed.

My covers.

My chest of drawers.

My sewing desk.

My curtains.

My towel.

My world ...

so I feel like I'm living under the sea like those sirens and mermaids in the waterhouse paintings. There's an exhibition of his, I can't remember the dates, but I'll find out and then I'll go.

I spent the most part of my day on the number 38:

Got lost on my way to the tube to get home, went to meet Rich for a lunch and was so late, but did enjoy my aubergine and goats cheese burger when it finally arrived. WE talked about stuff we've missed - it's nice because even if we don't see each oher for months, when we do meet it's as though we saw each other yesterday. We laughed about Hull and some of the people in it. Then he had to go back to work so I took myself around Foyles - I won't buy anything though - not today : today I will be good. After non-book-shopping I go home again sleep for ten minutes because my body is not happy with me that I woke up at 6:30 (which I should do always, but go to bed earlier ... the morning is so pretty - I've no seen it in ages.... I have to sleep with the curtains open in my new green under the sea place) another outfit change and I'm out the door again and on the good old bus - think it was the same one as I felt as though I'd known him all my life. I'm early to meet david who is on his way back from a photoshoot, so I go into WHSmiths (where else) most of the books that are on sale there upset me, but they did have Murakami and lots of pretty note books I want to buy to not write in... just gather under my bed (my green bed) he makes me jump and then we go for coffee. He looks pretty *** Then he has to go ... he will be in Wales, and in a few days I will be in Hull ... but we will see each other on Tuesday.

Back on the 38 ... which should also be green.

I get a new dress it was a pound or something on ebay and I love it to death. I play in it ... then dye my sheets - it has to be done.

... now I'm going to dance around my room listening to pretty music.