Lazy Day

I was supposed to meet Steph but we both got lazy and decided to meet up on Tuesday instead, think it was my fault because I woke up at 10:30 but knew I needed to sleep a whole lot more, I ended getting up at 2:00 I think... but it's better to live in the night time. :)
... I feel lke what my bunny looks like - she likes to relax.
Think I can actually see her growing, she is going to be soooo big soon!
She let me stroke her for ages today and looked happy about it which was nice - that means she might love me now... yey.... I think it's because I'm the one who gives her juicey hay and nibbles.
TV time ... my brain is not working and today can only cope with not really doing much and TV is perfect for that.
Zombie.
Everyone goes out ... they left the living room covered in guitars and other stuff that needs wires ... uf ... today I don't like wirey stuff (apart from the TV)
Must leave the living room.
A perfect time to tidy my little work space .... it got in a mess the other day when Poppy escaped and was found later chewing on one of my fave books. She was so into the book (as was I) that she ignored all the wires to and from my sewing machine and hard drive.
Thank bunny god.
I finish a dress I started last month ... I'm going to sew flowery bits on it and it will be pretty - with I had mice and birds to help me, like in Cinderella ... but I just have this big bunny who is just as lazy as me.
What Poppy thinks:
Hay hay hay hay .... carrot.... hay .... chew chew... hay... chew.... RUN ... Run really fast! ... jump jump jump jump.... hay hay hay hay hay... nibbles.... water... escape? ... no....RUN .... run aaaaaaand JUMP! who's this? a big hand ... mmmmmmmmm .....ok leave me alone - I need HAAAAAAY.... sleep.

Fairy Photos, Mice and Stars

Bed is good ... but I have to get up now and go dress as a fairy in Highgate park.
I meet Hannah in Camden and we go to this really lovely little vegan place where you buy a dish to fill up with stuff and everything tastes like fields ... in a good way. I'm a little hungover and really want some juice but I stick to the water for now.
Walking past all the pretty shops makes me want some money ... but I should stop to be lazy and just make myself the pretty things that I see and like ... doh. We go into the new old market too and it is huge ... it goes on forever - riht back to the cute girl selling cupcakes at the back in the corner : maybe I imagined her. I think it must have re-opened today because there's a marching band and people on stilts.
Let's et some coffee.......... Cafe Nero, Coffee and chats.
Now onto Highgate Park!
Parks are either the best places to be or the worst - depending on what your fears are .... now if you are afraid of chavvy types and dogs, they are mostly bad ... but thankfully we found a secret corner where the only crazy people were us.
I love the piccies that Hannah takes .... she is a little star, and she gave me some wings she made for my belated birthday - they are lovely and I want to wear them everyday.
Where else to go now apart from up Highgate Hill? it has to be done. This is like a little dream place - I would so like to live there ... we had an adventure in a little tea shop and then went to have raw juice in another vegan place we found that has a garden to sit in - have to go there again ... can't remember what it is called.
Then we get on the bus because I'm going to meet Stephanie, we're going to a gig at Union Chapel, We say bye to Hannah...
I forgot to ask to see who was playing untill the last minute and looked more interested to know what shoes she was wearing hehehe ... but good news - it's Soy Un Caballo, it was lovely, inside it was filled with candles - magical. There were fluff bunnies that were dancing to the pretty music, and cute things. We laugh and hide behind a column. Then we sneak like tiny mice: tiny mice that want a glass of wine, through the back of the chapel .... we were going to sit upstairs for a couple of songs but there are evil cones.

Imagining ghosts, with the string music in the background.

... squeak squeak : to the pub!
Outside there are stars *
I go to meet Lisa and Marina in Hi Sushi, Camden ... I'm tired... but not too tired to get a cheeky pina colada (if that's how you spell it)
Home.
Yawn.
Sleep.

Funny Juice

We tried out my juicing machine this morning ... although ll the juice that gets squeezed out looks gross - it is divine... yum. It is supposed to be healthy but i couldn't stop to imagine what a beautiful coctail it would have made with just a little bit of vodka :) .... I was good though ...
***
Lisa : piano... Me : shower ... us : Lily Allen .. loves her new album *
***
Then I got all my stuff together in a big mary Poppins bag....
Waiting at bus stop ...
glasses make everything pink ...
bus ...
my favurite seat is taken by some boy ...
stuck in Hackney central for 45 mins ...
hates IT ....
Angel ....
brig brrring ...
Mum on phone *
tube ...
wierd people
Golders green ...
bus ,,,
Then me and Luna had some drinks - and watched TV and aughed at stuff. Tried to order take out online for a million years - almost got radomly ordered a pizza... then tipsy turns funny. Tipsy comes back and we get taken back in time with themusic that was n TV.
Takes some piccies ... drink more wine ....

Uploaded

I was so tired when I woke up this afternoon because Poppy the bunny had kept me up all night, she was jumping on top of her cage, which is really high and jumping down again into her new extended bedtime area... but as she jumped the whole fence would rattle like something from a nightmare - I kept getting up to see what was going on ... as soon as I'd try to stroke her she'd run away ... she doesn't like me ... uf ... Stephanie said it's because she's a teenager (in bunny years) so I need to get her fixed and then she will be less of a crazy bunny.
***
I spent the rest of my day uploading my CDs onto this laptop because mine has decided to break and for some reason... when I was charging my ipod on it created its own playlist with songs on it that I havn't listened, or wanted to listen to in months! it obviously has a ghost... a ghost with a bad taste in music.
***
I am so utterly tired right now but can't sleep... it's 3:34 in the morning - there's nothing but bad TV on, I've had too much coffee.
***
Checked for pretty stuff on etsy, which made me want to make stuff too (but it's far too late for noise) and made me wish I had some more funds to buy random pretty art prints to cover my walls with ... I found this lovely one at artandghosts.etsy.com
***
I should go to try to sleep now if Poppy and my over-active imagination will let me........

coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Back to Brighton

I met Stephanie at Victoria and we were more or less on time today :) Quick tickets!
Run for the train ... chugga chugga choo choo!
It was so warm on the train, we listened to some tunes and laughed about stuff ... there were no sheep in the fields... they were on Holls.
Off the train and it's so breezy...
We walk all the way down to the sea where the sea gulls live and sit on the rocks, should have brought a duvet!
Where is the aquarium?
So we get there and there are evil school children ... but then we watch the shark talk which was fun - I fell in love with the huge turtle with the funny face ... we got to see the underneath of all the sea creatures in the tunnel ... the underneath of sea creatures are wierd.
Stephanie has the best luck ... she got two crystal-stones each time and I only got one ... I put it in my pocket - is it still there *checks* so we went to buy some vibrating sea horses .... vibrating sea horses are the best, espesh' when they are pink and fuzzy.
Lunch at Bella Pasta, where the carbonara lives ... yum.
And then the cold walk back to the train station ... brrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I get home and it's dark.
Poppy makes noise all night ... all night.

Dress ideas

I found this really cute artist girl on etsy I think the pretty fairy people she creates are lovely ... I really want to make some of the dresses she has drawn, I wrote to her for a collaboration : I'll go check my email to see if she has replied yet...

:)

This one in the piccie is especially lovely *

I really want to start making more big dresses and special ones, the past few months I have been trying to make more dresses that I thought would appeal to everyone, but I think I need to stick to what I love doing, and make special things that you can't get anywhere else : fairy clothes (and now princess dresses)

...

I should go and start drawing some now.....

***

Piccie found at strangeling.etsy.com :)

photos and wine

I was so bored... had the bigest known case of writers block in the history of human kind ... so I decided to trowel the make up on and take piccies of myself ... a time to reflect... see all the best bits and all the stuff you wish would go away...
I remember having photos taken of me when I was little ...in a tutu: it was pink ... I was so happy because it looked so real, like the ones you see on stage... I borrowed it because mine were leotard-like. wish I still had that photo, but I have no idea where it has gone.
***
So.... I'm thinking about lots of things... secrets :)
***
They are writing a song, she says she is spontanious, she also talks about me drinking wine and getting sad ... she thinks that I'm going to do that tonight but I'm not, I'm too happy - thinking... *
Cracked open the bottle to enjoy britains next top model - loves it.
ok ... this bottle of rose is ,my new best friend....

***

Isn't it strange when you think you know where you are, who you are.... what you want to do, and then you blink and everything you knew has gone.

There are so many stars ... so many nights of bottles of wine, so many things that have come and gone. So many photos that show our happiest times, and not enough to show the sad ... yes, I'm drunk, but I'm a happy kind of drunk... that's the best kind - I promise not to edit this tomorrow when I'm cringing about what I wrote - because .... I don't know, just because.

***

I see so many beautiful things in the future .... I just with the future was now............ *

***

I want to be a fairy...

Remembering

Home again this morning at 11:00am ... I have to write so many things, but there's still the suspension so I'm un-motivated and slightly lost. I am planning to finish the book though whatever happens, at least then if I have to leave uni because of the stupid LEA I can extend my word limit.
But first a trip to the corner shop with Lisa ... Pot noodles are in order: We had a time when all we ate were pot noodles, perfect hangover food, but I'm not hungover this time.
Photos, just had too...
***
Buny is still crazy. I bought an extra fence, because at the moment she owns me. I thought it would arrive tomorrow but it's bank hol uf,
Maybe I should get her a bunny friend.
I remember when I was little and me, Mum and Dad would go out in the car around Hull just to see the wild rabbits hopping in the fields, before Asda. We used to call them runny babbits.
***
I applied for work experience at Penguin Publishers ... why not.
***
Beetlejuice is on TV loved that film so much when I was little, the dancing bit...
***
And now? we wait for our pizza and Marina plays the piano.
In my little runny babbit field I'm dancing.
In this house, I'm writing ... and waiting...
Who knows.

Unbelievable

The house sucked out all of my energy today, I just couldn't leave ... it was like that horror film with the clock on the mantle. First of all I couldn't wake up... then I couldn't stand up... then I couldn't get out of the door...
I won though - I was on a bus by 6:00.
Off the bus and onto Old Street Station ... there's a guy peeing in the corner: gross.
I finally get to Golders Green, which is so much nicer than where I live ... quiet.
Me and Luna go to buy some beer (today is definately a beer day hehe) The guy in the shop asked me for ID and then didn't believe it was me in the photo, but he was so worried about that that he forgot to charge me for the peanuts : score.
*

Bunny likes to bite stuff

My bunny Poppy eats ... EVERYTHING. I hope she is not sad :( but my shoes are...
***
This morning I woke up after an awful dream, I wont explain it otherwise it will all come back to me ... eek!
I like the first second of the morning when everything is lovely ... before you remember anything, I think that second is the best second of any day the most quiet and happily empty second.
The rest of the day got slowly more stressful.
I need an extra job, I need to sort out my stupid uni fees... then my bunny ate my furniture, shoes and (almost) foot, then a lovely walk to the corner shop ... which was filled with chavy teenagers who were 'playing' (fighting/stealing/shouting about the police van that stopped, but couldn't take them away anywhere as they were 13-15 : pure evil : why do they exist? they ruined the rest of my night)
I want to move from Hackney ASAP!
(preferably somewhere with a garden so that my bunny can eat what she is supposed to : Grass)
uf
... and now? mmmmmm ... I will eat some egg, watch some Family Guy then write some more of my book ... that's nice to escape to :)
Then meditate:
*fairies, fairies and butterfly wings* ommm ommm ommm

I Wonder, we wonder

Because me and Stephanie are both late we arrived fifteen minutes late at the same time. The tube station was crowded but we kept in touch via text in the little windows of signal on the tube; send failed, re-end, sent.
We walked through the staion at the wrong side and ended up walking around in a little circle, a man said 'gorgeous' but he was a gnome. He stopped. We smoked.
A lovely meal in an Italian place that I can't remember the name of ... gnocci; yum. She is pretty and we talk about pretty things, in a pretty place.... perfect.
Maybe the V&A will be closed? but we make it on time; a labyrinth of painted faces, patty eating dogs and beautiful dresses ... there are also amazing columns and crypts that are too big to have descriptons... and there was, in between the vintage dresses, a pink velour track suit (?) yes, I know, I don't get it either. Ah well ... I bet it felt more out of place than I thought it was.
A sign ---- to the theatre section! via the jewels ... a necklace made of shiney grapes? a cameo of a men peeing? ... but also tiaras and crowns made of fairy stones and amber coral.
We found the theatre! we are at the ballet! and then the man tells us we must leave... they're closing. Why did it take so long to find and yet we found our way back to the real world in ten seconds?
Too late to buy some stones from the Natural History Museum ... next time, and from the 1st May (I think) will be a butterfly house which we simply must attend ... to dance amongst the flutters.
The cinema is not showing Coroline yet, so we find a place to have some coffee... theres a pretty place that is the colour of whipped cream inside, but it is full; only three tables ... we know we belong in there .. uf.
We end up in an occult book shop. There are fairy books and photos of unicorns, but inside is darker. There's an event. We will have to go back, to buy a special book *
Jacket potato.
I walk past the cast of Lion King on the way to the cash machine which was surreal.
A drink, cig rolling game and talking ... then we are lost.
Charing x.
One up, one down...
Wish we could have gone back to the fairy tea shop; I think there were bunnies under the table....
***
Pic from monjojo.etsy.com

Lots of things...

So ... I have been away too long this time. So many things have happened - too many to think about let alone write.
There were split ups, arguements, lies, cheating ... but there were also bunnies, friends, crushes and flutters.
I guess everything has cancelled everything else and now I am happy - it's strange how that happens sometimes...
Me and Lisa will be good friends after all of this for sure : I can see it for our future *
*
Let's just talk about the lovely things; I think the other things can only be written about in my other blog ... that's where those feelings belong ... the ones I can only explain in this way to myself.
*
I went to see a ballet with Luna, it was so beautiful, the music was very quiet so you could hear all the pretty ballerinas shoes hitting the floor; cute. Giselle is beautiful. The second half is magical... Wish Stephanie could have been there too, but they were still in America so they gave us their tickets ... but we shall definately go to see a ballet together soon *
I went to the cafe yesterday after university with Steph and Kolli and I found a little flyer for a beautiful ballet which is called 'Angels in the Architecture' looks so pretty ... can't wait! *
(wish they didn't think I was crazy)
***
Had a funny time at university yesterday, turns out my LEA didn't pay my fees and they wouldn't let me in - but I made it via the back door ... shhh, don't tell anyone ;)
***
I met Anne, my project tutor and it turns out that she is really happy with what I am writing for this book : I smiled all the way home...
***
Stephanie came with me to pick up my new baby giant bunny too ... she made a video and put it on her blog :)
* ... Bunny Love ... *
***
Went out with Luna to Cafe Boheme .. we were suposed to just have some dinner but had too much wine instead .. hehe ... had a lovely time though (if it wasn't for all the scary annoying men that were falling all over us all the time : think there was something in the boys toilets - funny air or something...)
***
Went for a meal with Maria .. it was yum ... loves Taro, it's the best. Then we went to The Edge where the music was way too loud and there was a woman dancing badly by herself the whole time; funny : that's what too many drugs do.
***
Went to see Snowbirds first gig ...
So beautiful...
***
...The spotlight is still on *
***
I have something else to say ... but it gets stuck in my throat.
***
So I must go stroke my bunny, and clean the house, and watch some TV ... am quite tempted to find the repeat of Britains next top model because Jade is too cute: Loves her...
*

I need me a bunny

My eyes have gone all crossed as I've been on photoshop all day and then I updated my website and then did some writing and sewing - uff - I don't feel as though I have been busy at all though ... how is that so?

***

Everyone was out of the house ... so it was very quiet.

***

I need me a bunny to love and hug :) I'm saving all the things I need to buy for it on my computer and as soon as I get my student loan I will run down to the pet shop as fast as ... well.... a rabbit I guess

Dead Stuff and photoshoot

Today I was good and woke up early :) I went to university and was on time ... but I got there and it was the day that in Drama we would have to read our plays and I have a massive phobia about such events and didn't want to faint or anything ... so me and Stephanie (who is also a sufferer) decided to do something more easy-going and visited the british Museum where they keep dead mummy bodies - eek! it was a little scary, but full of screaming kids who were laughing at all the greek statues willies heheh ... which took the edge off the scaryness. We had to ruch back because we didn't want to miss poetry... but of course had to stop for a sandwich first! cheeeeeese....
***
We got to poetry on time and we read really depressing ones - uff...
***
Time to go home... I have to do a photoshoot!
***
By the time I get home Esther and her husband are already here ... I chill out for 5 seconds because my head is all over and then we get on taking piccies of her in a dress I made inspired by her - victorian pirate -esque... they came out very well ... I get on and photoshop them soon :)
maybe we will meet up thursday for drinks - they're so lovely *

An internet kind of day

Where everything was quiet.

Lisa came back and was online all day .. and today so was I.

It was a nice day though ...

I was thinking *

Waffle, friends and a reunion

Today was a lovely day... but it was very very cold. My nose was blue - but it was happy. I got to my stall on time which I didn't expect because I was up all night making stuff. My little suitcase is so noisey being pulled through the quiet morning streets between Tot Court Road and Covent Garden. I like to look inside all the shop windows where all the dummies are excited to see people after a long scary night of being exposed and alone.
***
At the market the other traders have started to call me Alice in Wonderland which I thought was really cute :)
***
In the middle of my day Kolli came to visit me ... and we chatted ... then he went away and then came back with the best waffle ever! and he shared it with me and it was YUM.
At the end of my day at the stall the lovely Dom came to visit me and he took a poloroid of me doing some crochet sat at my stall in his hat and we watched it turn funny colours untill I came out clear and looking like a gnome hehe ... then we went for a quick coffee in Starbucks .. we sat outside on the fance because there were too many stairs inside and my back was afraid of them. Then it was time to go home... I'm meeting Luna tonight.
***
I've not seen her for two years ... but it doesn't feel that long. We go to the pub and talk about everything and catch up and drink some wine...
then there are stars *
nice stars *
to keep.

Knitting pretty

Today

I spent all day

making neck ruffles

for my stall

tomorrow.

I think they are

quite cute

:) I hope they

will all find

lovely new

little homes

where people

will love them

just as much

as I do...

That is what

they deserve.

and they will love you back ...

Maybe they are magic*

Listen to the rhythm of the pouring rain,,,,

Sitting here listening to a cheesy radio station ... mine and my nans song came on : the one we used to listen to every Friday and dance and sing to in the kitchen.

Made me cry... thinking of happy times : wish I was 5 again. Maybe I'll sit up all night and crochet - listening to this music...

I don't feel like sleeping.

I don't really feel like doing anything right now.

But at least I don't feel sad: just kind of blank.

But this music and my 5 year old memories are definatley making me smile...

***

She was giggling as a teenager online again,... it's bothering me less. I don't know what went wrong... that's the only thing... I gues she wouldn't be very happy if she read this ... but ah well, what can I say, I'm not happy either that I'm writing it ... doesn't make it go away though does it.

***

I'm going to have more coffee... yum.... and a cookie... yummier. Maybe in a while I will dance around my living room as I used to when I was little ... people will think I'm insane ... and maybe I'm getting there ... who wants to be boring anyway. I should definately go visit my nan (and everyone) soon ... want to dance with her *

Busses, travel, gig and bed

We woke up and I didn't have a hangover which was nice... we watched hangover tv though: Paris Hiltons BBF hehe...
***
I had to get home because I have to make pretty things... I got on a bus and had no idea where I was going ... it took a while and I ended up in waterloo and saw the London Eye the closest I ever have, which is strange as I live in London but you know how it goes. I hid behind my big glasses all the way home untill I saw everyone coming back my way ... supposed to go to that gig tonight: Marlene Kuntz... but because of what has happened I thought I shouldn't... but I do like them, so I decided to go anyway. I had to sort out my face though : I was a mess.
***
The gig was lovely... beautiful.
But I felt as though I'd met Lisa for the first time : we were that distant. Anyway after the gig we go to that little kabab place that's open 'till three - I can't for the life of me remember what it is called now...
We ate some chips.
I smoked.
I stared at the stars.
I went blank.
I spent the rest of the night day dreaming... away.
Goodbye and fuzzyness.
Then the cold walk to the bus stop...
and the colder night at home.

Brighton and beyond

*Been away for a while ... been down... adjusting to being alone again: but I'm back in reality now... feeling a little better ... saving for my giant bunny*
***
So today hannah took me to Brighton and it did indeed make me feel better, on the whole. I had my moments of feeling awful but they did go away - so now, anytime thoughts of the past when I was happy with her come into my head, I just shake them off and think about how she is with me now... then I feel better again : I know it's for the best in the end.
... Anywaaaaaay ... back to Brighton! it was so lovely :) we found a shop and I said 'do you think they sell bunnies?' Hannah was laughing so much because there was nothing BUT fluffy bunny teddies in the window hehe... so I went and bought one.
We went for food in a little vegan place and went for on a walk on the beach... it was windy, but that doesn't stop me wanting to maove there - and I'd go right now if I had enough funds!
The shell shop was funny - the jangling would, and did drive me crazy... I was going to buy a little starfish but he told me that he wanted to stay there ... so I left him.
Then we went for a little drink .... or two....
***
We decide on the way home that it is a great idea to get back to London and visit the Candy Bar, so we did... and then the Crobar... and then 12bar.... then it all went kind of blurry ... the thing is we met Mr Tom and he made me feel better ... he is my adoptive big brother after all ;)
***
The night bus ... indeed .... I know I was on one... I know I called her... uff ... alcohol makes you do stupid things.
***
Pancakes! and coffee back at Hannah, Hazel and Doms place .... sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

lists

I missed the post :(
***
I made a list with everything that I have to do today on it ... maybe if I do this everyday I will stop to say'it's ok I'll do this tomorrow' I got lots done in fact, so there you go... it must work!
after tea staining my dust sheetesque fabric I put little strips of flowery fabric on them and frills ... it looks a whole lot better :) I fell a little better too ... although I'm not at all back to normal :( but I used lots of make up and photoshop to take my photos in two dresses that I will put in frames on my stall ... I have ran out of ink so I shall have to get them printed at that place up the street tomorrow on my way to the post office - I will catch it this time!
***
When Marina came back we went to the little shop at the end of the street bought some goods and came back home - ate salad and her famous (to me anyway) omelette with green stuff inside :) whilst watching Paris Hiltons BBF ;) funny ... and then Family Guy ... and then: off ... work to be done! ......... after a shower ......... yum

Home again...

There were 6 or so parot type birds in this tree in the garden this morning but when I tried to take the photo they flew away ... maybe they were all in my mind.........

***

Today I came home early ... I'm allergic to the cats :( I'm so sad because we made friends and now I have to leave them :( I'm sure they will understand ...
***
I woke up midday and had a stroll to the post office hiding behind my big pink sunglasses to post some pretties I sold online. It's lovely in Hampton Hill I wish I lived closer to this end of London - I love that I can just wake up and decide to go for a walk around and in the park and people actually say goodmorning to you! I wanted to go to the fabric shop but today I'm not feeling very well at all... so I go back to the house and have a really long bath eat some salad and watch TV, I feel really guilty though because there are so many things I need to be doing ... more sewing... I need to make my new back drop for my stall as I decided that the one I was using yesterday looks like a sheet that builders use when they paint the walls :( it looked really cheep and I want it to look like theatres and magic fairt gardens ... soooooooon :) :)
***
A had the longest taxi ride ever to get here, I was going to get the bus but I had so much stuff and feel awful today so I rang the taxi place.
It took just over two hours.... uf...
but I treated myself with a big cup of coffee...
Now I'm going to go put all my stuff away and lay on my bad and relax... and think... and try to feel better for a busy day tomorrow.... good night * .........

Stall plans, apple lunch and Covent Garden sunshine

Today was the day of my first stall :) it was so lovely, all the other traders were so nice and looked after me ... aww :) the only trouble was that it was the middle of the week so there were not that many people ... looking forward to the summer there though! yey.
***
So I set up my little stall with magnets holdng on my sheet backdrop, and put all my dresses all pretty - i wasn't really happy about how it turned out - I wanted it to look prettier - but now I have been there once I know how to set it out... the whole day I was planning how to work towards my new stall design :) It will be lovely with photo frames and a wooden sign someone is making me from etsy ... I might not be ablt to make it exactly how I want it for Sunday (the sign is coming from America for a start) but in the next few weeks it will be yummy :) ... can't wait *
***
I had an apple, a salad and then a homous n carrot sandwich ... mmmm ... I'm trying to eat healthy to make my skin pretty.
***
It was so cold when I got there at 8:45 but by midday the sun came out and people were without coats and eating ice-creams :) ...

A trip to the V&A

An early start ... I wrote my play for uni at 3 - 5am this morning... slept a little and then woke up again at 8:30am ... I am too far away to be able to get in for the lesson even though I try, but none of my limbs work this early.
***
Bus, Train, book............... uni, print, hand in, food, talk, tube..................
***
I arrive at the V&A for this weeks poetry class trip (yes, I do not feel 24 anymore and am now a little girl running around with pigtales, needing the toilet and asking when I can eat my packed lunch)
***
Me and Kolli walk around and take a pic of us in front of a naked lady sculpture boob *giggle* ... why do museums make me act 8?
loves it
We walk around and get lost.... we head towards 'China' and end up in 'Britain 1900' all the gold stuff looks fake.
Then we walked some more ... to the cafe! to eat a scone...yum.... and then it was 4:20! where did all the time go??
We found some inspiration for poems though, which is good and I found a couple of really beautiful paintings that talked to me from the walls...
***
Tube, book................... home,pick up stuff, shes asleep, confused, note, meant it, did she? walk, dark, overground, book........ phone, mum...... phone, hannah...... phone, steph........ richmond, bus, stare out of window, back at the house, cats, coffee, TV, relax, CROCHET like your life depends on it!!!! go! go! go!

Sunshine

Wow today is a lovely day ... I go out to he corner shop to buy some grub to fuel my third frantic sewing day in a row... and I am amazed with the sun, I don't know if it because in my house we always have the curtains drawn or because it has just not been sunny like this for a while.
I really want to walk around the park opposite, it's full of deer... but I can't today because I'm so busy... and I'm half dressed in my pyjamas.
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Jam covered crumpets ... yum
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I watch Oprah for the first time ever and it makes me cry, there's a young lady who has cancer but she has completely changed her life and become really positive - I can't explain it... she just radiates goodness, she wrote a book called 'crazy, sexy cancer' (I think that's the correct title)and I really want to read it just because she is so lovely and could teach us all a lesson about the point(s) of/in life...
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More sewing ... more upliftedand slightly in awe of the world.

Kitty catssss

This morning I woke up with a cat on my face...
It was Ruby and she was liking me like a big lollypop - a human flavoured lollypop :)
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Another sewing day of course!
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Ruby has fallen inlove with a Tom cat who comes to sit outside the window.
She jumps up behind the blind in the living room and taps on the window at him ... then she runs all the way to the front door - to see if he has come in I think... she is so cute!
In the meantime Lamby is just watching her run upto the window and back again with a confused look on his face. I don't think he is fond of Mr Tom cat outside, he's like 'get away from my sister yo'
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I put the TV on while I'm sewing... I watch lots of Americas Next Top Model, even though I've seen them all a million times, I also watched some Buffy, Simpsons and Planet Earth ... later I watch some QI - what a day! ... sewing, TV and kitty love.... <3

Another long sewing day

I woke up this morning at 7am which meant I had only had 2 hours of sleep, it was under a lovely big fluffy blanket though :) ... it's time for Stephanie and Simon to leave, and then the boys.. and then I'm alone in a house with stairs for the first time in ages. The last time I think was when my parents went on holliday for the first time without me (because I was a teenager and didn't want to go... because I had - teenager stuff - to do... like paint my bedroom ceiling black and put little silver stars on it) I went slightly crazy those two weeks, Rich came over to see me and we heard a ghost man talking to us - so we went out - those were the days in good old Hull...
Back here in London and it is much more quiet - this house is very lovely and calming ... so that's nice, and the cats help too because they are so lovely - miaw! purrrrrrrrr!
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I go upstairs and sit with the blind open and the sun shining on my face (which makes it difficult to see the thread - but was too nice to resist) and I sew and sew .... and then I make some labels ....

Upsidedown

Today is strange ... I don't know what I'm doing... I'm so busy - from every angle, it's hard to keep up with everything I want to do.
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I make things.
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I ance around the living room...

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The taxi has taken far too long, so I call and it turns out that he has broken down somewhere and failed to call me... so I ring another and he comes to pick me up as fast as he drives... fast. The outside is blurry, and I feel bad because although he is fast it still takes a long time to get from one end of London to the other...
Turns out that he sucks and he stole £10 from the money I gave him to pay!!! I hate him - he will get bad karma now. That's why you shouldn't steal stuff - bad Karma.
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I get here far later than I thought I would... I watch Stephanie pack lots of socks :) then she has to go to sleep because her flight is early and it's already 2am,
I'm sleeping on the sofa because there's a full house - but I'm not tired yet so I check my email and then I stare at the piano...

Sew today...sew tomorrow

Oh my I am so tired. I have been at my little work space all day... sewing and when I wasn't sewing I was staring at the wall. My arms ache and my leg from lifting up and down on the peddle... ouch...

why does something that is supposed to be a pleasure turn into a horror movie? seriously... the worst thing is, is that i decided to cut out the patterns of 10 dresses and the sew them in stages as though I were in a factory que... but there was just me - i couldn't pass the next bit to the next person, just the next me ... sooooooo busy!

but the good thing is... I'm really happy about how the dresses are looking :) they are part of my 'ragdoll' collection for Flutterbydaisy for me to sell at Covent Garden - but the only thing is is that I have to have all of these finished plus more by Wednesday! and I have a play to write for uni for Tuesday and some of my own writing to do - I need another me! ...

I wonder how I can split myself in two? can nyone out there sew? fancy coming to help? ;) I will pay you in coffee and cheese, hehe...
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I need to dream pretty dreams before I escape...
but first a shower - maybe I will fall asleep inside and turn into a mermaid??

Doube vision

I was supposed to wake up at 9:00am ... but my alarm was my worst enemy ... I nuked it sereral million times in my sleep. Because I couldn't get any last night I guess. 14:30!! oh my... I had so many things to do today! ok so I pull myself together fall out of bed and onto the bus, stumble into uni, hand in my essay and end up back home again in a blur to drink at least 4 cups of coffee before I can start my day. uff.
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They have a gig tonight but I can't make it - I am going to cut out and start on all of the dresses, skirts, purses, corsets and frilly knickers that I'm going to sell at my stall in Covent gardens Apple Market on Wednesday ... I will get up on time for that I'm sure ... I have to be there at 8:30/9:00 ish I think, if I don't think I can do it maybe I should just stay awake ...
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All the fabric is all over - cut so many patterns, so many dresses to make ... all I can see is lots of different patterns and colours ... I am swimming on a little sea of cotton and lace and elastic and ribbon... I will put them into little neat piles for now and then tomorrow I will sew as many of them as I can...
cotton cotton fabric fabric irn iron sew sew...
Double vision.......

An English scone

Yum...
Today I went to a little cafe in High Street Kensington that was so cute - Tea for Two was on the menu which made me smile. It was very small, had pretty flowers in vases and sold the best scones I've seen in the south. I went to meet Esther and her husband, they are so lovely. I'm very much looking forward to working with them ... I will be making a wardrobe of victorian pirate inspired frocks for her to wear in her new video and on the red carpet ... should be fun :) I think we will also have a blast with the photoshoot ... can't wait.
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the train took ages to come, I had a book with me but decided to just think instead. I don't like to stand on the tube, especially in wedges - eek!
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Home and I know I should be doing something... what was it again?? ...
... SCIENCE FICTION essay!! pants I completely forgot! ... I have to miss the gig tonight - Have to write about something that I have no idea about... quick google search... TYPE!!
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They come back drunk... I'm tired...

...Stephanie calls * ... then ...

sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep......................... I hope I don't dream of aliens.

Mannequin days

Drama today was funny... the play was bad. I didn't say anything but we were all thinking it: child abuse, murder, prostitution and abuse in general were the main themes... that's what they all like to write about in class at the moment: information your just not ready to take in at 10:00am. And they don't even write it well. I blame it on all the books with white covers you find in WHSmiths.
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We sat in the uni cafe and talked... then we went for a beer. Poetry was funny, mainly because of the bubbles. Back to the uni bar with Kolli and Steph...
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I fell asleep on the bus on my way home... I had a dream and I really wanted to write it down when I got in but I couldn't remember it! ... I wish I could, I think it was pretty. I think I went to a garden, maybe there were faries there. I thought I'd missed my stop and I hate it when that happens - must have looked like a crazy.
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Football, fuzz, news, crap, fuzz ... The only things on TV : how awful.
So I go to stand in the corner of my room and pretend to be a mannequin.
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Looking forward to meet with Esther O'Connor tomorrow she seems lovely *

Poetry... indeed

So I finally started and finished my poetry that has to be in tomorrow - I think my problem was that I am against writing being forced so my mind puts up a block and makes me sleep instead. It's not really the best time to write for uni because all my deepest darkest secrets keep coming out - I don't mean it.
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Sorted some stuff ... ate some pasta.
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Joined Twitter (as flutterbydaisy) : Stephen fry is there :)
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Washed the dishes in a haze.
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Then the usual, but this time I didn't care - I was too busy staring at sex and the city.
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10 hours!
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Then the pushing stopped for one night/morning at least - but I was too tired to notice.
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Think I should show you all the pretty butterfly light that I found the other night....

The morning after

I stayed in bed all day thinking about all the things that went wrong ... I slept and slept some more... I look like I'd been dragged around the dirty pavements of Camden town - I could have been, but I don't remember. I remember all the awful things though - the big mess : the big headache I gave myself.
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I want to go say I'm sorry to him, but a daren't ... I couldn't remember at that point that we ended the night relatively ok ... relatively.
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We ate pizza... we drank a bottle of fizzy water.
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I try to think about my poetry essay - but thoughts are gone again.
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I sleep some more - I dream about her.
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hannah calls me ... that's ok now.
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Lisa is online - it should be ok. I have to deal with the facts that have been decided for me : they are out of my hands.
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I will visit Hannah, then I shall go a take care of some little fluffy people - and hug them a lot.
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I feel like lots of little shiney lights have taken over my mind.
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The one from my dream is a life saver *

Night out: Regrets

Why are birthday nights out always the most depressing?
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A trip to Broadway market... it's lovely and not what I expected, I thought it was just about food but there are lots of lovely little stalls where people sell vintage things and homemade creams and remedies... I bought something : I have a shopping problem, but it was only £7.50 - £7.50 that I don't have mind. I will be ok in that area soon with a promise of something big that I can't say because I don't want to jynx it.
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We went to a cafe on the corner where there was a cute light with butterflies on that made us all feel tired... I think it was magic.
I ate some salmon - it was yummy.
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The wine fest started early, we took photos of when we were happy - before the night went sour, like milk that makes you feel sick when you open the lid - really happy to put it in your coffee and then for the smell. We got ready and I wore some things that I made myself a while ago (see pic - it's of pre stress, thats why I'm smiling)
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The bus was wierd - she is my friend.
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I saw something : misconstrewed (I'm sure thats a word - but the longest lasting hangover in the world has messed up my spelling ability)
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I'm sure I've ended a blog like this before.... home, then a mess.

Procrastination

...Comes from the Latin word procrastinatus: pro- (forward) and crastinus (of tomorrow).
: Because there too many things today happening inside, I will do everything tomorrow... I will make a list... to stop further delaying. ;)
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I noticed a pet shop close by that I had never seen before - there was a little dog house sitting outside (a pretty one which looked like a tiny real house) I will buy it ... and that is where my big bunny will sleep when she doesn't want to run around my room anymore for the day... or maybe she could sleep with me ... *bunny bunny bunny*
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When I got in I had a discussion (that is what you call them when they aren't fun) then I put on all my little lights on, and Innocence Mission, and I fell asleep inside my own little world where everything stopped to exist : blank. It was the most deep sleep I had ever been in - I think I left my body and met with someone else who made me feel better - I wish I knew who they were.
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The coffee strike has officially ended, and it ended like a firework show, with a record 4 in an hour : bang.
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Ebay: Kunzite found in a rock, I really want it to add to my collection. I was reading its properties and healing benefits and it seems to be shouting me... bid.
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My dummy is staring at me - she wants me to make her a dress because ahe is cold... tomorrow.

A reading

After a strange day of fuzziness at uni with a little extra added blankness in Science Fiction followed with a helping of upset, I went to see Stephanie.
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We stopped off at the little shop underneath her house to buy some grub : anything with cheese ... I'm over it ;)
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She made a candle by melting wax into a mold ... reminded me of a fairy story that I don't know the name of.
Smells like flowers.
Then she read my cards ... it was the longest one ever where I learned a lot about what has happened and what I should expect. One of the cards sounded as though it was telling me off until we read the other description of it : then I felt better. One card was my Mum and there was another that I can't work out - it could fit a couple of people, but I guess I'll find out soon. Then another told me that it will work out if I want it to... apparently not.
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Atonement is a film that you should definitely not watch if you are feeling a little heart-achey, it makes you send unwanted text messages which make you feel empty. Unless you have a couple of Stephanie friends to make you feel better - that helps... a lot :)
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Wine : blur......

Back to the beginning

I found someone that I was thinking about the other day out of the blue, how strange.

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Those emails continue - but I'm bored now.
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I stopped to make my new shelf look pretty for a little while to write, although I should be writing some poetry for my first assignment of this semester ... but I have a bit of a block, the kind when you could stare at the screen for hours thinking that you are thinking when actually you have fallen away into a dream where thoughts don't exist and you feel all floaty, then you realise that it's 00:15 in the morning and all you have had to eat is a tin of tuna. Indeed.
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I feel like I'm back at the beginning... when I lived in the old house with all those spiders, maybe they were keeping me company, but I was so scared of them. They would wait untill I was almost sleeping then creep out from behind the furniture and stare at me. We were close to the garden though ... maybe they were just coming in from the cold, because they don't make spider sized coats. We would play this game untill 5:00am ... Then you would come in. Then you didn't come anymore. Those were strange days. But I did this once so I'm sure I can do it again *
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bring brrrring!

Funny fruit and bad poetry

On my way, late, to the train sation I stopped to laugh at the little individually priced oranges on a fruit stall In Hackney Central... cute.
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I miss the train - as always, but I don't much mind.
There's a little bee flying over the track and I imagine myself really tiny so the bee is huge and its buzz is so loud... then the train comes and Mrs bee flies away : I wonder where she is going, I can't see any flowers anywhere.
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Train: packed; Highbury and Islington station: packed; Bus stop: packed...
Bus? Walk? ... I walk: wrong choice, just as I'd set off a bus ran past me: one of those days.
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Uni. Hangover. Drama: offended.
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And to the cafe to eat a cheeky cheese sandwich shhhhh (I shared it with Stephanie)
The wind was out to annoy me. We talked then laughed at her little fermenting grapes in a bag.
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Back to uni and I read a poem I shouldn't have. Stephanie and Kolli knew what it was about... as everyone else was guessing I was hurting.

38 from Soho to Hackney

Today I went to meet Rich, I hadn't seen him in ages! we went to Soho to Couch and ate chips (the biggest pile of chips I'd ever seen) we had to fill them with salt in the end so we didn't eat too many haha. We chatted about how January and February are evil.
After A big glass of rose we went to Cafe Boheme and sat outside: two people asked for change, we got asked for ID (because we look twelve) then we had some more wine.
Time to go : 38 bus ... Stephanie calls and we talk nearly all the way home, I think people who have phone conversations on busses are funny, but there i was.
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Home and Lisa is drunk, I am tipsy and Marina is back from work - we go to a pub up the street. Lisa 'playes' the piano then with the dog of the landlord which was cute: he was tiny and black and looked like a little ball of curley fluff with no eyes, like a teddy bear - but he still smelled like dog, so I didn't like him that much.
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Then there was a mess.

Fabric flowers and fairy lights

So the intention was to wake up at 10:00 but my mind already knew it was Sunday and couldn't be fooled by any alarm : it made me sleep many more hours * zzzzz
When I did finally manage to peel myself out of bed I was still dreaming and so went through half of the day not really knowing who or where I was ... the TV put my into a trance as I stared at 'Skinny Celebs 2' and drank three glasses of water... I think that my mind momentarily shut down so I didn't have to think about anything that would make me sad or in a mood (a Sunday kind of mood that happens only on Sundays because half of the things in the world don't work that day (including half of me))
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I fitted the eyelets into Ladys dress yey! it's finished :) I used so many layers of thick fabric that it stands up all alone like one of the victorian corsets ... I was so pleased I took a photo of it like that : all proud (me or the dress, or both I guess)
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Lunch time was soup time and it was yum - later for dinner I cut a billion potatoes with an overly huge knife for home made crisps to go with spinach ... I'm still not drinking coffee (which could account for at least 60% of my morning confusion) or eating cheese ... I'm not feeling any healthier yet and have put back the pounds I lost in the past 2weeks of not really eating much at all apart from said coffee and cheese which makes me really sad, but my skin looks better so we'll see .... I have to cram more green stuff into my system : bring on the BROCOLLI!
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It's dark out now, and quiet. Lisa is still online chatting in the other room, Stef is still playing piano and Marina has gone to sleep ... so I came to bed early to sit in my room with my fairy lights and fabric flowers and just be still ... and think.